Gender Flop
by Wyolake
Summary: Jeff has a weird dream. Well, weirder than usual. This is a definite one-shot inspired by KylaBosch's First Impressions. Please check it out if you get the chance. For those interested, is an AU Middle of Nowhere ficlet, but if you read past the line break it's semi-canon. Enjoy!


_A/N: This is a definite one-shot inspired by **KylaBosch's** _**First Impressions**_. Please check it out if you get the chance._

* * *

I jerked awake with a start. There was nothing unusual going on that I could hear. Just the crack of the fire and the occasional crunch of Alistair's boots as he walked the perimeter. It was a lot quieter than usual; none of the fab four were snoring.

I grabbed a heavy shirt and crawled out of my tent. Morrigan was sitting at the fire; the flames reflecting in her eyes made her look demonic - well, devilish. I pulled the shirt on as I walked up and sat down across from her.

We sat in silence for a few minutes, but something must have been showing on my face because she suddenly spoke. "Are you well?"

"Weird dream."

"Another nightmare?"

"Not really. Just a weird – a very weird – dream."

Morrigan just stared at me with those eyes of hers.

I stared back. And lost. "Fine! I'll tell you all about it."

"Oh, no; 'tis not necessary."

I think I growled at her.

Morrigan laughed that truly amused laugh she does so rarely. It's a nice thing to hear. "'Twas a jest. But please, you appear to have the need to speak. Tell me of this weird dream."

I gave her my skeptical voice. "If you're sure." With Morrigan's nod and smile I continued. "Well, all of you were…different. Sex-changed. Gender-flipped."

Morrigan's face just registered confusion.

I huffed. "You were you, except you were a man named Morgan. And Alistair was a woman named Alyssa, and Neria was a man named Neville-"

"What about Oghren?"

I leaped off my seat. "Gah!" I spun around with a clenched fist but managed not to punch Alistair. Morrigan laughed again. "Don't do that!"

"But what about Oghren?"

"Drunk, belligerent-"

Alistair grinned at me. "How is that any different?"

"- and a rack out to here." I held my hands an impressive distance from my chest.

Morrigan snorted.

"So," Alistair said with a glance at the witch, "this Morgan. Was-"

"I am more interested in hearing about Alyssa." Morrigan actually sounded amused.

"I asked first!"

I could feel myself starting to flush. Alistair and Morrigan don't get along often, but when they do it's usually at my expense. "Well, that's the last time I open up to both of you at the same time. _I'm_ going back to bed." I pointed at Alistair and Morrigan in turn. "You get to picture Sten as a woman and Leliana as a guy."

As I walked away I heard Alistair say something about broken hips; Morrigan snickered. I shook my head and crawled back into the tent, but it took forever to just get drowsy again. And then Alistair's return made me fully alert. I listened while he dropped his armor and rolled over when he crawled into the tent.

"Sorry."

"S'okay; I haven't been back to sleep."

"Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't-" Alistair's so pitiful when he does that voice.

"It's not your fault; I had a weird dream, and then I was wide awake-"

"And then Morrigan and I made sport of you."

"Better that than the two of you fighting again."

"I suppose." He was quiet for a moment. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"I don't suppose there's anything…Alyssa can do to make you feel better."

We were quiet for a minute. "Okay, that was more creepy-" I started.

"-than funny," Alistair finished. "I agree. But uhm, if you don't mind, what about you? Were you…changed?"

"Nope, I was still me. But it was…pretty weird. Especially with lady-Zev trying to hit on me. And everybody else."

"Oh, of course." Alistair spoke again almost immediately. "That would have been interesting."

I suddenly felt naughty. "Oh, you'd like that, huh?"

"What?"

"Watching Zevrana flirt with me. Maybe watching her kiss me, or-"

"Maker, no!"

"-watching us hug each other,-"

"Oh, come on!"

"-or maybe us taking a bath together."

"Oh, Maker, Janice, stop it!"

Alistair's _so_ much fun when he's flustered. _And_ so much more energetic. "Come here and make me."

Morrigan's voice rang out from the fire. "Quiet, you two!"

* * *

I jerked awake with a start. Alistair was mumbling something in his sleep; but it wasn't one of his nightmares for a change. No big deal except he had an arm slung over me. I gave him a light push, then a light shove. "Hey, little space." He rolled over and said something about having tea then quieted down.

But what the hell's going on in my head? Janice? Where did that come from? Oy, this was a weird dream even for me. I sighed and grabbed a blanket as I crawled out of the tent; no way was I getting back to sleep now.

I really need to get laid.

Just not by Alistair.

* * *

_A/N: Again, thanks to **KylaBosch,** who got me wondering what would happen if the protagonist from **MoN** was female. Or at least how Alistair would react to her._


End file.
